Why Me?

It's the night before the big flight. Did I emphasize big? That's 15 hours of madness, to be exact. This is the type of excursion they call a "long haul," I take it. I've done 12 before, from SFO to Heathrow, but the thought of spending three hours more than that at 30,000 feet plus has left me incredulous. The things they do with technology these days... I'ma have to get up and stretch often, chuckling away the confused glares I get from my fellow passengers who must wonder, "Who is this guy and why is he on his feet?... On second thought, christ, my legs are cramped too, why am I not on my feet, that looks like it feels good."

Los Angeles is cold this evening, maybe in the low 60s. While I lightly shiver, wondering what happened to my 100 degree May days that scalded me only a little time ago, I recognize I should probably embrace this cool breeze while I'm still in it. In 48 hours, I will inevitably be roasting under the Middle Eastern sun...

Josh and I hit up San Fernando Valley's finest, Vons market, for airplane snacks. Josh wanted to get trail mix, and I agreed. I was being picky because there were no bulk food trail mix bins like at the Ashland Co-Op from which to make my most tasty selection. Josh made fun of me, clowned me, and ridiculed me, for being an "Oregon kid." Ha. Guess he's right.

Today I experienced a deep sentiment of sadness mixed with excitement when I left Medford "International." Sadness because I was leaving my family and friends. Incredible enthusiasm because I know I am fortunate. But my thoughts are clouded by ambivalence. I think, why me? I hardly know anything about Judaism. Yet I'm headed to the homeland, for free, under an exclusive program that few even know exists. My mother grew up in a poor family in the interior of Bahia, for years without running water, and now I'm here about to take a trek only fit for the world's traveling elite. Many of my Brazilian cousins have never left their home states, and have only had internet access for the last year or two; I'm about to be entering online diary entries from "cafes" thousands of miles, one ocean, two continents, and walls of cultural understanding from my home. Such paradoxes for me are at times overwhelming. But I'm also overwhelmed by new opportunity. And to fail to take advantage of it would be to cheat myself of a chance for growth. Thus, I know I must stay determined.

See you on the flipside (the Mediterranean side, something like that).

S